Home stretch!

Hello all!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've either been too tired to blog in my free time or I just haven't had free time. But since I sort of do right now and I just don't want to do homework (bad decision making, by me) I will update you all on my life now!

So last week I went to the Vatican. Which was the one thing I wanted to see ALL TRIP. And let's just say, I wasn't let down at ALL. We stopped in the museum first. Which I'm sure has got to be at least a mile long. If not more. And there were tons of people in it, so it was not a fun time walking through the crowd for your tour. It was super nice inside though. I got to see some classic works from Raphael and Michelangelo and Caravaggio and all those famous Italian painters. Observe:

 


So that was cool. I got to sneak some pictures of the Sistine Chapel when we went inside. It was much smaller than I imagined it to be, but it was still just as awesome. My neck hurt from staring at the ceiling so long. And then there was the big moment.

SAINT PETER'S BASILICA.

Basically, the best moment of my life. Honestly, I took about 25 pictures of the inside but it was definitely no match of the beauty inside. I can't even describe how amazing it was besides the fact that I felt like I died and went to heaven. And that is what heaven looked like. Absolutely gorgeous.

After some more random shenanigans during the week, we went to Florence for 3 days. Honestly, it was probably my favorite trip of the whole semester here. It was a huge difference in size compared to Rome. It was so much quieter and I didn't have to worry about getting run over by a motorino or a car (unlike my walk to school every day...) We got to be in a pretty nice hotel (with AIR CONDITIONING) and an "American Bar" in which you could order alcoholic drinks to coffee to cheeseburgers. Had some pretty great food in Florence too.

I got to see The Birth of Venus AND David, both of which were pretty awesome. But hands down, David was beyond amazing. Literally, I stood in front of it for 15 minutes just staring at it and all of it's marble, chiseled glory. I even snuck a pic of him:

Beautiful.

We went on a 3 hour trip to Pisa while we were in Florence, as well. It was such a small town. Literally the only thing you could do there was see the tower and possibly see the Cathedral. But seeing the tower was pretty sweet. I mean look at it.

Unedited glory.

So cool, right? And of course, I just HAD to get this picture:

You know, just chilling.

So it was pretty cool. Now we're in the last week! It's the home stretch! I can't wait to come home and have American food and do American things like watch fireworks and eat peanut butter and jelly.

You don't understand. I really want some peanut butter and jelly.

Tomorrow I'll be going to a cooking class with my roommate and learning how to make authentic Italian food (and of course, I'll be kick-starting my career as a perfect Italian mom/chef) (just kidding about that career thing) and then later that night, I'll be off to Hard Rock ROMA for a birthday dinner. Sunday I'll be going on church tours with a friend. Monday and Tuesday I'll have my last two days of classes, Tuesday night is our farewell dinner, Wednesday is our packing/do-whatever-the-heck-you-want day, and then Thursday I'll be driving over to a hotel and relaxing by the pool all day long by myself (what a blessing in disguise), and Friday I'll be flying home!!!

Be on the lookout for random posts before and after I get back to the states. I'm sure I will be recounting things like good Italian meals I've had and random stories that I never posted.

Hope you are all doing well, readers.

XO, Steph

Siena!

Hello all!

Sorry about not posting since (I don't even know when?). I was trying to log in to my Blogger the last few days and started freaking out when it wouldn't work! (Che stress.) But after an hour of messing around with Blogger and Google+, I stupidly realized I was using the wrong email.

It just isn't my day.

So this weekend was very chill. It wasn't spent like last weekend with Dan the Man and the ridiculously strong vodka in Sorrento. (Thankfully). Instead, I went to dinner with a few of my friends Friday night and stayed in, chilling with a bottle of vino. Saturday we went to Siena!

It was a 3 hour bus ride at 8 AM. Yes, it was as painful as you think it was.

But we got there, ate, and went to the Duomo.

Gorgeous, right?

Basically, the Duomo is a huge church on top of another church with a museum attached to it. There's probably a much better description of it, but whatever. We went inside the chapel, which had gorgeous marble floors and beautiful paintings on all the walls. They even had busts of each Pope lining the upper walls.

Sup, holy dudes?

There was a crypt downstairs, which was part of the old church that wasn't excavated until 1999. And the Baptistry had such pretty ceilings! And the museum had so many old relics from Popes and priests.

So. much. Jesus.

But for those of you who were wondering, no, this place wasn't where St. Catherine's head is located. As much as I would've wanted to see it, I had no idea where it was and was wondering all afternoon if it was in the Duomo. But alas, I get home and find out that it was somewhere else. Next time, I guess.

On the bright side, we went to the top of the tower. It was part of the Duomo that was never finished. But I am SOOOO glad it wasn't torn down. Why? Look at the view:

Hello, Tuscany.

*in Fran Drescher voice* Gaw-juss honey.

So yeah, after all the Duomo excitement and climbing back down the scary tiny spiral staircase, we went back to the plaza for dinner. I had my first Italian lasagna and it was pretty fantastic. As was the Tiramisu I had for dessert.

American moment of the weekend: When getting dessert, the waiter told my friend a "Frappe" was like a milkshake. So what do you think of when you hear that?

I thought so, too.

So yeah, seems legit right? Nope. Instead she gets something that looks like a bottle of chocolate milk poured into a fancy glass.

Shaken, not stirred.

#lostintranslation

#americanproblems

After getting home that night we all just chilled in the house with a bottle of vino... and slept until the afternoon.

Overall, a pretty awesome weekend. Here's the schedule for the week (sort of):

Wednesday we visit the Vatican!!!!! So, so, SO excited.

Friday is my friend's birthday, and what better way to spend a birthday in Italy than going to Hard Rock Cafe. And of course, a discoteca. Awwwww si.

Sunday we leave for Florence! We'll be spending 3 days in a fancy hotel (hopefully with hot water) and chilling with the Davide and the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Last full week of classes too! And only about 18 days until it's time to return back home. Sometimes it feels like time is flying and other times it feels like it's moving too slow. I could never do this study abroad thing for a whole semester.

Miss you all, readers.

Wishing you well,

Steph:)

Real World: Rome edition

Honestly.

I feel like I'm on an episode of the Real World. 20 kids who didn't really know each other that well thrown together for 6 weeks straight. And even though we all don't live in the same apartment (thank GOODNESS) the apartments are still 4-6 people.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

Hi. I feel like I haven't posted in a really long time. And since I am unable to get to sleep right now (and I have to get up in... 5 and a half hours?) I figure now can be the best time to give an update on my life.

I have come to the realization that I would never be able to live here. As much as I would love to come back to visit the bagillion churches and monuments that I probably won't get the chance to see, I really don't see myself ever living here. I miss hot showers wayyyy too much.

I know, I'm a spoiled American. #firstworldproblems

I went to the coast this weekend. Note to my lovely readers: if you EVER study abroad in Europe, which I highly suggest you do, DON'T go on a trip through Bus2Alps. It was probably the worst service I have ever received.

Don't get me wrong - I loved being at the beach all weekend long, and I got to see Pompeii which made my little Humanities nerd freak out a little. But when the "dude" who is supposed to be your tour guide is flirting with all the girls on the trip, pre-gaming in a restaurant before taking the entire group to a bar (and Italians really don't appreciate sloppy American drunks... not that that stopped half the kids on this trip), and giving terrible directions to places that really don't even exist or telling people that the area is safe and hearing about your friends almost getting abducted, that is not the kind of tour I would like to be on.

I realize that was an incredibly long sentence. I don't care.

Dan the Douchebag (as we affectionately called him) didn't ruin the trip for us by doing what he did, but he definitely put a damper on it. I saw no amount of professionalism about him and the other guides weren't a whole lot better.

On the bright side, I got a sweet tan from staying at the beach for 2 days in a row.

Yes, I realize now that was a pun. It was not intended.

But I had some good food too. And swimming in a cave was pretty freaking sweet. I saw and did things this weekend that I probably won't do ever again, or for a really really long time. Like dipping my feet in the Meditteranean and taking boat tours of beautiful islands.

Awwww, si.

So yeah, overall good experience with some Bus2Alps bumps along the way. I'd go back to the beach but definitely not through them.

I'm going to the Villa Borghese tomorrow, which is basically Rome's version of Central Park in NYC. Apparently we're going to some museum that has all these awesome Bernini sculptures and famous paintings and other things that I didn't really know existed. I mean, I knew they did... just not there.

To be honest, I only thought the Villa Borghese was a huge park with a zoo in it. My bad, I guess.

But yeah, it should be awesome. This weekend is still in question, but I definitely plan on visiting some places and possibly exploring by myself. You'd be surprised how much you need a break from the 18 other people you know on the trip. Even though most of them are leaving to go to Paris. #jealousface

I'll post some other random stories when it isn't late at night. Staying up this late is probably a very bad idea, and I'm sure I will feel it tomorrow morning when I'm crawling to the kitchen to make myself some cappuccino...

Good night. Good evening. Good morning. Whatever time it is when you read this.

Il Colosseo... and other things.

So I went to the Colosseum today! It was amazing. For something you see all the time on TV and in pictures you think that it's sort of big, but then you see it and you're staring at it like

Almost as crazy as 1.21 gigawatts.

Sadly though, it was raining the whole time we were there. And chilly. Not a super awesome Colosseum expedition but we may be going back tomorrow to see it, the Forum, and some other historical monument whose name escapes me. And it's supposed to be sunny. So we shall see.

I went to my first Italian mass the other day. Well, sort of.

After searching endlessly for the mass times, I finally found one that said it started at 10:30. So we get there at 10:35. Not enough to miss most of the service, right? 

Apparently the mass actually started at 10 and we were just incredibly late watching the Italians say the Our Father in a different language and me and my roommates standing there like stooges. Sooo maybe next time there will hopefully be a translation. Or a cue card. Or something.

Went to a flea market after that and bought some sandals. Tonight I'll be getting some dinner and walking around... and of course, putting all the calories I worked off walking back into my body by eating gelato.

#americanforeignstudentproblems

Week one complete!

...only five weeks to go.

I just realized the other day that I will be spending literally every moment in the next five weeks with the same 18 or 19 people. I'm still not sure how to feel about it.

I mean, I'm sure it will be great because it's an opportunity to make new friends and all that. It has been so far. But I'm sure it will get a little crazy when I want time by myself. Though, since I am pretty sure everyone else in the apartment is sleeping right now, this isn't so bad.

That's another thing. Not that I don't love my roommates, but whose idea was it to put 6 girls together? It's been okay so far but really? I'm glad our apartment is big otherwise I'd be going insane.

All in all though everything is great. Went to a place called Ostia Antica the other day, which is an ancient Roman city (now in preserved ruins). With earthquakes and weather in general, the city isn't quite what it was say, ten or 20 years ago. I can only imagine what it would look like in 20 more years.

Time is going so fast. I feel like I just got here yesterday and already a whole week is gone.

Actually, no, it feels like I've been here a while. Probably because I've been so crazy busy the last few days. Sure, I've had free time. But I don't think there has been a day yet where I've just sat down, stayed in, and relaxed.

Not that I don't mind exploring or going on excursions or whatever. Because that's fun too.

I think I need to go back to sleep. This post is going nowhere.

Day 3... and first day of classes.

You know what I miss? Washcloths. They don't exist here.

This morning started off (POURING) sort of early. A couple of my roommates and I went to a nearby cafe for drinks. Cafes, first of all, are all over the place. You can literally find one at every block if you tried hard enough. Same with pizzerias. You can also stand at cafes. If you sit, there's something called a "tavola fee" - meaning, if you have to sit down somewhere, you'll get charged. On the bright side, it's in place of a tip.

It's so nice being in a touristey area, because since we all forget most of our Italian, it's hard to order and, in return, it's hard for them to understand what we're trying to say when we sound like bumbling fools. I'm sure once we start remembering things, it will be much easier. And people won't look at us funny.

Really though, I feel like we walk around with a huge sign on our foreheads that says "AMERICAN." Just saying.

We started our classes today. Conversation and the next level in Italian. Talk about diving into the culture head first.

My roommates and I also made dinner for the first time. Call me a sheltered American, but gas stoves are a pain in the butt. But after messing with it for half an hour we got it to work and I made linguine with marinara. Nomnomnomnom.

Recycling is a pain in the butt too. There are four different colored bags, each one recycles something. One's for food, one's for paper, etc. And each one gets taken a different day of the week. It's actually quite interesting.

Alas, I must go. Not sure when I'll post again - I don't know if anything is going on until Friday (unless, that is, it's something spontaneous). Friday we are taking a day trip to a place called Ostia Antica, an ancient Roman port town. Should be fantastic (and of course, an opportunity for me to take a bagillion pictures). Saturday a group of us may possibly go to Ostia's beach, but I personally would rather not bring my camera. I'll be really pumped to dip my feet into the Mediterranean though.

Hope all is well with you, America. I miss you and your chicken nuggets. And your washcloths.

Il giorno di la tourista.

...that means "the day of the tourist." Meaning myself. Because I felt like a dopey American tourist today.

The morning started out with standing at a bar on a corner cafe asking for espresso. Not gonna lie, if you thought espresso in America was strong, this is MUCH worse. I didn't finish it and the guy gave me a really funny look when I left.

Whoops.

After our orientation and lunch in a cute little cafe (most cafes in Italy have outside seating), we went on a 3 hour tour of Rome. And to be honest, I'm not even sure if we got to the whole city. Monuments and historical sites EVERYWHERE. We visited like 8 different churches but only went inside about 3(?) of them. My favorite was St. Ignatius.

Gorgeous outside, and even better inside.

Take that, Sistine Chapel.

So, this is the ceiling of the St. Ignatius church. I'm not sure if you can tell from this picture, but it's pretty much 3D right? The ceiling is actually flat and it's all an optical illusion. They actually had another one further into the church. If you take a few steps away and look up, this is what it will look like:

Not so 3D anymore.

We saw what was mostly in the historical section of Rome. Basically everything I wanted to see in Rome besides the Vatican and the Colosseum. But we are getting our own tour of the Colosseum and the Vatican museums, so I think I can handle waiting.

After dying from our 3 hour tour, we came back home and people from the host school taught us how to use our apartment. We have like 4 different recycling bags because they're crazy here and recycle a LOT. And we had these weird bugs in one of our bathrooms and there were a lot of minor problems for maintenance to fix.

We had an orientation dinner after that. The restaurant gave us 10 different kinds of appetizers anywhere from cooked onions to bruschettas to cheese and tomatoes (which actually isn't that bad). And that was all before our actual pasta dish. And dessert. In Italy they don't believe in rushing you out of a restaurant (which is awesome) and they also believe in having a full course dinner with antipasti (appetizers), pasta, the main course, and dessert. But to balance it out they don't eat a lot during the day.

A few of my classmates and I went to get gelato afterwards. It wasn't the best, but it was still pretty amazing.

And then we ran home in the rain. Without umbrellas. In skirts and nice clothing.

So that was basically my day. Long, yet I'm still not very tired. The jet lag is pretty much gone which is fantastic. Tomorrow I'm going to a fresh fruit market with some friends and then going off to my first day of Italian class. 

...and I forget almost everything. So it will be an interesting experience.

Ciao, y'all.

And the journey begins...

What I learned about long distance flights:
- The food isn't extremely bad...
- They at least give you good movie choices. (I watched Captain America AND Beauty and the Beast. Aww yeah.)
- The flight attendants (and everyone else in the airport, for that matter) are very, very miserable people.

Oh yeah, and I really don't like long distance flights.

On the bright side, I got to watch good movies, a flight attendant reminded me faintly of Robert Downey Jr., and the kid sitting beside me looked like a mix of Bruno Mars and this kid that was in one of my classes last semester. Actually I have no idea how that's on the bright side. It's just kinda there.

I really wish I would've taken my camera today when I was going on excursions with some people in the group. We ate our first real Italian pizza - there was a really thin layer of cheese and you could taste the olive oil. Then we went walking around, saw a football (soccer ball, in 'Merrican terms) among other trash floating in a river (disgusting, really) and possibly a bagillion places selling pizza and booze. We even saw the Colosseum from a distance but then it started to rain so we had to go back. Sad, sad times.

Tonight there's a dinner and then I'm probably collapsing on my bed until tomorrow morning. Literally collapsing. Jet lag's no fun. And the plane was so crampy I couldn't get comfortable.

I decided today that taking a flight first class will be put on my bucket list for that reason.

Really though, words can't describe how blessed I feel to have this opportunity. It will be the start of something fantastic, I can just feel it.

Hope all you readers in 'Merrica are well. And if you aren't, you should be.

I usually like planes, but...

16 hours on a plane doesn't quite sound enthralling. By any means.

First of all, there's all the crap you have to get through first. Like bag checking and security.

 This about sums it up for me.

Don't get me wrong, the actual flight itself isn't too bad. I like flying. Except, of course, when there's turbulence.

via Pinterest

Not to mention, I really hate sitting next to people I don't know. It can be really awkward sitting right next to someone who falls asleep next to you and their limbs are all up in your personal seat space. Kinda like this:

via Pinterest

Poor soul.

And of course the obvious reason.

Motherf'ing snakes on a motherf'ing plane.

via Pinterest

Just kidding. Sort of.

I'm looking forward to it at the same time though, in all seriousness. I bought The Hunger Games (so I can finally see what all the book fuss is about) and seriously hoping the airline can give me something to watch. Being bored and uncomfortable with so many people you don't know can be pretty intense.

Meanwhile, I still have things to do, packing to finish, and friends to see. Sounds like a long list, but in reality I'm just doing something like this:

But then again, I log on to Pinterest or some other thing, and see pictures like this:

And it makes everything alright.

Rest easy, all. I'll write again when I have something else to say. Or, in the case of today, I'm just ignoring my responsibilities.........

XO

Preparations

So it's official. I leave for Italy in 8 days.

EIGHT. DAYS.

Where did the time go? Beats me. I feel like I just got home like, two days ago. When really it was two weeks ago.

After trying to purchase the ticket all day yesterday (and using 3 different cards because the first two wouldn't work) I finally got to booking a weekend trip for the island of Capri, Sorrento, and Pompeii. My inner Humanities nerd is freaking out. But really, it's much more than historical - black sand beaches, wine tasting, private boat tours... this weekend has it all. Basically almost everything I wanted to do will be in that weekend.

Of course, there's still a couple places on my list, and without realizing it, my weekends are filling up fast.

First, the Vatican. Of course, I won't really have to worry about that because
a) we'll be living practically RIGHT NEXT TO IT.
and b) we're getting a tour of the Vatican Museum while we're there. Like, what?

Second (and probably most obvious), Calabria. The region my grandpa was born in. I don't really care if I have to travel on my own to get there, I plan on getting my butt there somehow.

Third would be, well, anywhere I can get to within my budget. Even though we'll already be in Roma itself.

But I still have a lot to do in the week I have left. I have to pick up my euros, get out and buy things for the trip (because I think toothpaste is pretty darn important), and of course see everyone I possibly can before leaving. Oh, and eating American food.

yup.

I would say apple pie... but I don't really like apple pie...

But now I must go. I have some phone calls to make before I go to lunch with the best friend I haven't seen since January. Then possibly either going to see the Hunger Games or (what I would prefer) seeing The Avengers... for the third time. Because I have an obsession with that movie...

Or maybe just these two...

It seems as though I've been gone a while...

Hello! Long time no see!

So let me fill you in about my life in the past I-don't-quite-know-how-long-it's-been.

First and foremost, if you haven't been following my facebook, there's been over 150 bomb threats in the last month and a half. They started small, probably with some kid who didn't want to have to take an exam. But then they started to get crazy. First 2 in one day, then 3 buildings at once, then multiple threats with multiple buildings at once. Oh yeah, and then this psycho decided that evacuating classes in the middle of the day was too easy. So he/she/they started evacuating dorms and campus-related apartment buildings at 4 AM. 

Basically, I've been couch surfing the last couple of weeks. Easter weekend I went to a friend's house because she wasn't about to let me stay on campus. And sure enough, that Saturday night, I would have been evacuated. Coming back, there were a couple of days that there weren't any threats - we went over 24 hours without a bomb threat, but none of us knew whether it was a good thing or turning a corner and finding yourself face-to-face with a crazy shooter. But I went back to the Throp... if only for a couple nights. The second night I stayed there (and the last time I stayed there) I was evacuated at 5:30 in the morning and had to walk through the streets of creepy South Oakland to get to my other friend's apartment.

Since then, I've been staying with my friend off campus in North Oakland. A bit of a trek from campus, yes, but I wasn't about to spend my last days of classes (and finals week) wondering if I'll be getting my precious night-before-an-exam sleep. But it's been going well. 

In light of these bomb threats, kids have been permitted to leave campus early and have accommodations for themselves. Many professors moved their exams and things online. I didn't have to go to my lab the last two weeks of classes and the hardest exam I have got moved online. So I'm not quite complaining as far as that goes.

It doesn't even feel as though yesterday was my last day of classes. In the heat of all these bomb threats, I've just been taking things day by day wondering if I'll get evacuated. Conspiracy theories were thrown out for the whole campus to get paranoid about - Mark Krangle, this psychotic ex-professor at Pitt was arrested at Pittsburgh Airport when police found out he wanted to come talk to students about his eBook (which was apparently about how Pitt is corrupt... or something). The V-Tech anniversary came and went with no crazy shooter or anything of that nature. And now some transgender couple is getting a subpoena against them. 

And somehow we have several police forces, the FBI, and the Joint Task Force involved and they're still going. Not that I don't appreciate them for all they do, but let me put it in the words of my uncle this past weekend: "If this had been happening at the White House, they'd have found the guy a long time ago."

In other (much lighter) news, everything else in my life has been fantastic. I'm going home in less than a week, I went to my first carnival of the year last night at CMU, and Italy is now less than a month away. I'm ordering tickets to go to Paris soonish, which is extra awesome.

Wait. Pause. There were just 6 more bomb threats.

On the bright side, I won an inflated duck!

Oh yeah, And I turned 20 last week. I was never a Teen Mom, but I just feel old now. And my family decided to fatten me up with 2 dozen cupcakes, a cookie pie, and peanut butter cookies.

But I think I've said enough for now. I think I should probably start doing something productive before I go talking about bomb threats some more.

Peace homies.

Straight from the heart, mind, soul

Be prepared for some discombobulated thoughts.

Discombobulated is actually a word. The only way I know that is because the little red squiggly line isn't under it. Phonetic spelling for the win?

I kind of want to put my feathers from last summer back into my hair when I go to Italy. I miss them in some odd way.

Is it possible to wash a loofah? Honestly. If you use it in the shower does it need washed? #PhilosoraptorMomentOfTheDay

Back when I had a Twitter account, I had to capitalize the first letter of each word because I'd get OCD about not being able to read words without spaces in between them.

I'm not sure how to feel about this exam tomorrow. I know things going through my flashcards but before exams I sometimes get worried about not being worried about it. If that makes sense.

I went to the soup kitchen today. Second time to ever go there. It's such an experience knowing that you're actually helping people who need it.

Where do you go when you feel like you've reached a brick wall? If you really want something, and if you really want to climb over that brick wall, even when you got signs against it, is it still achievable if you really wanted it?

How can you even achieve something when you feel defeated? Humility check, anyone?

I should really be studying for this exam...

Isn't it funny how life changes when you go through it? And you reach a certain point when you figure out what you want.

I suppose I'm still about halfway to that point.

Sometimes I wonder if I use the word "I" too much. How are you today?

55 days until I leave the country.

Life is seriously moving too fast. I don't like thinking that I'll be a junior in college soon. Even though I like thinking about next year, moving into my own apartment, turning 21, etc.

I get such high hopes for the future sometimes. Even though within the last few weeks I've come to learn a little more about myself. Fears and whatnot.

I've also learned that my heart skips a beat when I see a nice smile. And every time I think about it, "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift comes to mind. You know that one line that says "You've got a smile that could light up this whole town..."

I understand that sounded cryptic. Oh well.

October Baby has a really awesome soundtrack. I'm listening to it now.

I kind of miss playing soccer back in the day. I miss band too. Like mad. Sometimes I wish the HS soccer coach didn't ruin my love of the sport. Maybe I would have still played it in high school...

I'm craving chocolate chip pancakes.

...this is why you don't want to know what's on my mind. I really had to stop myself. :p

Hello, spring... I mean, summer.

I'm sitting here in my room sweating like a dog because there is no air circulation and/or AC in Lothrop. Such is one of the reasons why I cannot wait to live in the Camelot.

I can't even begin to tell you how pretty awesome my life is at the moment. I would say there is nothing that could go wrong, but alas, that would be a lie.

At this point though, I feel like the good balances out the bad. And that's all that matters right?

I just need to learn to kick back and let things happen. It was always a problem of mine, because I can be pretty darn impatient when it comes to myself (ironically, I like to think I'm patient with everyone else. Just myself.) Recently there was a situation and I would talk about it and say "I just don't know what to do about it." and my friends would say "Do nothing."

Let me tell you: that is easier said than done.

Not that I can really DO anything. It's one of those situations where you just kind of have to sit and regretfully take things in stride. Which is a complete pain in the butt.

For me, anyways.

In much lighter news, it's less than 60 days until I leave for Italy. And I feel like those less than 60 days will come creeping up much sooner than I expect. But, at least it will be a happy surprise.

This weather has been awesome. Being able to sit out in the sun for two hours with my friends to walking to Squirrel Hill and back last night to get ice cream at Cold Stone. And now today. Dinner with the Pitt in Italy kids and then what Yaleh calls "Prom" (just because we're dressing up in formalwear). And if the weather holds up, maybe going to a game at the Pete with Laura. That's a pretty big maybe, though. Stupid rain destroying my plans.......

In other words, life is pretty much awesome. Sure there's some stuff that isn't so awesome, but if there was absolutely nothing wrong in your life, then I feel like that's sort of a problem.

That makes me sound like I'm such a downer. I think it's the rain.

I need to say something.

You know what ticks me off more than anything?

People who lead other people on.

I'm not singling out guys, even though I obviously have only had experience with men doing that... BUT. I know girls who have done so too. And you know what?

It sucks being on the short end of that stick.

It sucks a lot, actually. And usually, unless you've actually gone through it, you don't know how much it absolutely stinks.

Sure a compliment is nice once in a while. But you know. If you start calling someone "adorable" or "cute" or "hun" all the time, don't you think that's sending the wrong message?

I dunno, call me crazy, but as for us girls, we get thrown for a loop about EVERYTHING. Because we as women tend to think about stuff way more than it should be thought about. And, granted, that's not a good thing to begin with. But when there is no thought process behind what you're saying, I don't want to hear it.
I know we don't use 100% of our brains, but could you please use the part that we do use and think a little?

I'm not saying we don't make mistakes. We do. Things happen and you don't know that things will be perceived a certain way. It happens to all of us. But if you like someone, let them know. Don't play games with other people, because it hurts them. A lot.

I REALLY needed to get that out.

Life and other such things.

Tonight I began reading one of my favorite chapter books from middle school that I found while searching for books for work at Carnegie Library. It was so refreshing reading something for fun and not having to analyze it.

Even when I was at home I was too caught up in everything else to just sit down and read. And, for those of you with me over the summer, know that the one time I actually tried doing so, I sat out a little too long and got caught up a little too much into the book and ended up with a nasty sunburn.

Reading on my own bed under a lightbulb is much healthier... and comfier.

I bought my plane ticket the other day for Italy. As many of you already know, I'm certain. I find it so hard to believe that I'll be going in two and a half short months. Around 78 or 79 days, according to the ticker on the website I bought the ticket from. As if I needed to know how many days it would be.

Just as I was contemplating the idea of happiness a few days ago (thanks to creeping on this guy's blog from a few years ago... as I explained in the last post), here I am doing the same. As much as I would like to be home with my family and soak up the time I have before I leave, I kinda needed this time to myself for some good R&R.

Man, I sound like I'm leaving forever. I'm most definitely not. Sorry if that's disappointing for some of you.

At the beginning of the year, I started reading a meditation-type book called "God is in the Little Things, and it All Matters." I haven't picked it up in quite some time, because well, I just haven't had the time to. But I guess in the hustle and bustle of midterms I didn't really think about it. I was too caught up in trying to find time to do everything I needed to do (and most I probably didn't get to). Even though, thinking about it, that may have been my main problem.

Well, my main problem was not having enough hours in one day to accomplish everything, so I guess it's a close second?

Long story short: this break is needed. Even if I'll be doing a little bit of work over break, it will be a good time to kick back, catch up on Heroes (and of course, this reading), and not have to think about exams or studying or work for a while. I doubt I can get that genuine sense of happiness that I talked about in my last post (seriously, go read it.) but you know, it's something to achieve.

Happiness is in the little things. Like waking up to the sun breaking through the clouds.

It's one of the most beautiful images to me. It's like God playing hide-and-seek with you or something. It's a terrible metaphor, I know. But I just can't describe it. Out of probably any part of nature, it's the one thing I will never tire of seeing.

Probably untrue, since I'll be looking down on the Atlantic ocean in a few weeks. But you know what I mean.

Honestly this post has no point. I wanted to take a break from my book (which I started a couple of hours ago and I'm already halfway through...) and felt like saying hi.

Embrace the little things in life. It's so worth it.

The pursuit of happiness.

So I was creeping on someone's Facebook today (since, of course, I had given creeping up for Lent and I'm lame and do the Sunday rule) and stumbled across a blog they had started about 2 years ago. I won't mention who it is, though if by the slim, SLIM chance that person is reading this blog, I would just like to say thanks for the inspiration! (And I was totally creeping on you... obviously. But I hope you don't mind.)

Anyways, all of the posts had to do with happiness - the pursuit, the wrong ways to find it, finding happiness in others, etc. It really made me think. And of course, me taking a break from writing my paper for Italian turned into a much longer break than I probably should have taken. I don't know this person very well, but just reading it made me gain some respect for the person, as well, because I really liked their ideas. And it made me want to blog about it for myself, since I haven't given my brain spillage in quite some time.

So the pursuit of happiness. It's our inherent desire to be happy, and we each find happiness in different things. Our passions drive us to find that happiness wherever we may choose to go. I, personally, have a passion for people and their happiness. It is one of the reasons why I want to become a therapist - to make people happy. Others may have a passion for sports, music, writing, anything really. And that's all you really have to do - find a passion and shoot for it.

In some cases, this pursuit of happiness includes the wrong things; trying to find happiness in money or relationships or material possessions. The phrase transforms from "I'm happy" to "I'm happy that I'm better than you." And honestly, that isn't real happiness.

"Success" is another word that can easily be played around with. What is "success?" To me, success is subjective. I always thought of a successful person not as someone with millions of dollars, or a top-of-the-food-chain job, or a superstar spouse, but a person that was genuinely happy with their life and who was in it. A successful person works with what they are given and is simply okay with that. No ifs, ands, or buts. So who are we to say that someone is successful if they aren't even happy with it?

There's that word again. Happy.

Granted, some people may be happy with tons of money, and I hope that someday they realize that isn't what life is all about. But until then, they can just burn holes in their pockets and build fake friendships, because that's all that will really amount of their life.

That's just my opinion.

Which leads me to my next point: other people. Are others a facet of your happiness? Or can you lead a happy life on your own? Social interaction does something. Unless you have some sort of social phobia, social interaction is like chocolate: it just DOES something to you. It warms your heart and people can see it from the glint in your eyes. Laughter is the natural medicine - the one proven medication for ANYTHING and it has no harmful side effects. Isn't it amazing? And when you're happy, others are, too - and sometimes it can just be because you're radiating that happiness like sunlight. Happiness is reciprocal.

Sometimes we're attracted to people that bring out those qualities in us. The ones that can bring out the natural sunlight within us. That's where the best marriages and friendships come from - the ones that won't rain on our parade.

Okay, I'm done with the weather puns. I'm sorry.

So how do we achieve this ultimate happiness? That's something I've been wondering. It's a tough concept to grasp for me - is it even achievable? Of course it is. Sit and think for a moment about a time that you were genuinely happy - you had other things going on in your life, bad things, stressful things, but it didn't matter. At that one moment, nothing could bring you down. And once you've reached that high, and you come back down from it, you'll do anything to get it back. After all, now we know how it feels. Once it slips away, it's not gone forever - just for the moment. We need to hit the lows sometimes to get back to the highs. That's what makes the highs worthwhile.

Rx: Laughter
Side effects: Side stitches, pain in your cheeks, and watery eyes.
Cost: Priceless

Take me as I am.

Have you ever had that feeling that someone just didn't like you and you can't understand why? Like, you see someone a lot of times and there will be eye contact, a smile if you're lucky, but then they just walk by, maybe go talk to someone else, or something else.

That was a really long sentence. It's 1:30 AM. I'm sorry.

It's something I've been experiencing lately and no matter how many times I wrap my brain around it I just can't figure it out. When you've barely said ten words to the person you nearly have to count those words and make sure one of them wasn't the wrong one.

I like to think I'm a likable person. I mean, not in certain situations that have unfortunately come up in my life lately, but at the same time, I am not the kind of person that will sit back and take everything that comes to me. If there's something I don't like, I make you know about it. I pride myself in that.

Which leads me to have a quick blurb about Kairos: It was life changing. Literally. There had been something I was struggling with for a really long time and I was never able to talk about it in depth with anyone. I was too ashamed to, and it had affected me ever since it happened. For the first time in a very very long time, I was genuinely happy. There was nothing that could bring me down. I just felt so blessed and so loved and so accepted that it was almost like there wasn't anything else I COULD feel. Most of all, I felt closure. I felt GOD. It was incredible. I don't think there has ever been a time that I have cried that much in a matter of 3 days. Well, except when I was a baby.

I had never felt such joy in my life. It was the biggest high in my life thus far. But then I came back to the hustle and bustle of school life. Granted, it wasn't all bad - the little girl I tutor at work today actually kind of paid attention and it just warmed my heart to think she was actually learning (and anyone who has talked to me in the last couple of weeks probably know how awesome that actually is.) But then these residual feelings I had before the retreat (not about what I had closure about, but everything else) came creeping back to the surface and Kairos is almost a distant memory already. Kinda like that thing I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

Happiness, joy, love, and closure,

turned [back] into

Anxiety, stress, headaches, and pensiveness.

Yeah, I knew the high was going to end when I came back, but I would've liked it if it would have stuck around a little longer.

I don't really have a good ending for this post. I just thought I needed a good spill of feelings. Even though a real spillage of feelings would involve spitting out names and I don't think that's really the best thing to do.

Not to mention it is now 1:41 AM. And I think if I keep going I'm going to say something I shouldn't. My filter is fading away.

I'm off to bed now.

Miles to go before I sleep.

So things that happened to me today that were just plain awesome:

-In Italian, we talked about the differences between American houses and Italian houses/apartments. My classmate (who happens to be going to Italy too) and I were sitting there in awe. It made me realize how soon this is happening and how I'll be seeing it for myself soon. Mind = blown.

-I got home to find that Cobra Starship is going to be at Bigelow Bash this year. For free. Like, seriously?? They're pretty awesome. I have their hoodie... just saying.

-I got almost $80 from selling one of my books on eBay. Chyeah.

-I had lunch at Market with Becca as we usually do twice a week. And I somehow managed to have a balanced meal. AT MARKET. Only people who have been there will know how awesome it is to walk out of Market feeling like they had a healthy meal.

...Okay that's basically it. For some reason I feel like more happened.

Nonetheless, now that I've been accepted to Pitt in Italy, I just feel like it's creeping up on me so fast. There are many things to do before then, and "many miles before I sleep." Looking at my overflowing calendar is pretty darn daunting, but for now, things are pretty good. Surprisingly so, too.

Not to mention the sun is out. Which is something awesome in itself.

AWESOME.

The Truth and Staying where you stand.

There was a situation that I was a part of last night that was a sort of unhealthy debate about the fine line between a violation of free speech and standing up for what you believe in. This situation has weighed pretty heavily on me within the last few hours since it has happened and I've come to wonder where exactly that line lies. Growing up in a largely-Protestant town and the things I experienced through my years in high school, I came to be very open minded about many a situation. It's a funny thing, really - at college, a decent amount of my friends are practicing Catholics while at home, it is quite the opposite.

Don't get me wrong, by opposite, I mean that my friends at home are mostly Protestant Christians. And I admit it - I don't really care what your religion is, if you even have one at all. It is an important thing to me in certain situations, but there are more things to friendship than that. I have always thought that I can be a catalyst in some form - if I am not meant to bring someone to God (if they aren't there already) then I can just love in the Christian way and hope that they see it and respect it for what it is. And who knows - maybe they will learn to do the same in the process.

Of course, you see the clear differences between beliefs in doing so, and diversity is a good thing. It's respectable to be worldly-wise in that sense. I have the utmost respect for people who can have a conversation with anyone they want to, open-minded and without judgment from either party. It shows that kind of compassion and love that we as Christians are taught to have.

In the course of my life, I have learned (and was taught by my parents, of course) to be respectful of everyone. And for me, I am usually respectful of people I meet unless I am given a reason not to be respectful. When you show no respect for me, I as a result will have no respect for you. 

Debates have also been hard for me over the years. At first I would just get upset and just avoid it at any rate. Usually because no one really challenged my beliefs or challenged my opinions before. But being in situations where discussion was inevitable (my high school Psychology class or my Seminar in Composition class, for example) I was able to go from saying "That's stupid." to "I don't really agree with what you're saying, and here is why." 

I suppose I should start getting to my point and stop trying to explain where I am coming from. It will all make sense at the end, I promise.

Basically, throughout my life I have come to respect people while politely being able to disagree with something I don't stand for. I'm not a pushover - I just don't take part in anything that I don't believe in. In situations where there is an event that is promoting something that I do not stand for, then I simply do not take part. It's something we all naturally do - an Atheist is not going to go to seminary. Someone who is pro-life is not going to apply for a job at an abortion clinic. Right? It's simple logic. And that, in a sense, is where I show where I stand. I don't believe in expressing my opinion in such a way that it comes off as pushy and closed minded, especially in a situation where it is not welcomed. Besides, it just isn't who I am.

So then how do I express "The Truth," as we are meant to do? It is like I said above - we are judged by how we act towards others and towards ourselves. When we have that kind of self awareness that we know where we stand in situations then we can show others through the way we act. And, also like I said, through love and compassion for everyone that I care for. Show the truth by being an example. When we model a certain behavior, people will reciprocate it. When we are caring and understanding for others, they will give us care and understanding in return. When we are harsh, they will reciprocate. 

Something that has been on my mind lately is a topic we discussed in my Social Psychology class. It is called "Confirmation bias." Basically, when we believe in something, we will find more information to show that it is true without ever really looking at the other side. I know to take most things like this with a grain of salt, because we will not always do things like this to a huge degree, but it's made me question whether or not we can really change someone's mind about something. Since we naturally look for information that shows us truth in what we believe, who's to say that someone of an opposing view hasn't done the same? But that discussion is probably for a different post, since I think this one has gone on long enough.

Been a while, hasn't it?

I'M BAAAAACK.

And as I'm sure you, the lovely reader, knows, I GOT ACCEPTED. And I'm hoping and praying that I will get the scholarship I'm going into a meeting for in a couple of weeks.

I can't believe this is happening. It just seems so unreal. In 4 and a half months I will be basically fulfilling my dream of travelling to bell'Italia itself.

But then I wonder what my new dream will be. I mean, being the crazy Tangled fanatic I am, it's like they said in the movie: "You find a new dream." But I guess I'll figure that out when the time comes.

I apologize for not giving you the brain spillage that is my blog lately. The semester has finally kicked in full swing and it's just one thing after another after another (and another...) But here is what you missed, just in case:

The "Awkward Middle School Dance" Dance was on Saturday, and it was beyond amazing. I think one of my favorite things to do is just get out on a dance floor and go crazy. Heck, I don't even have to be intoxicated. It's that great. Plus the opportunities of dancing to 90's classics come say, once or twice every few years? And by few, I mean a lot. So it was completely necessary to go insane right? Plus, the Backstreet Boys AND the Spice Girls were all there. It was super cray.

Groundhog Day was a few days before that. It was strange being home and knowing that my college friends were there too. (Or, in Emily's case, in my childhood bed back home, as she was most of the time...)

I started working for America Reads in full swing about a week ago. I have 2 kids that I tutor and one doesn't like to sit still. It will be an interesting semester, to say the least...

I signed an apartment lease with 3 other girls yesterday for the Camelot, which is basically this really nice apartment building in the nice part of Oakland (if there even is one) and they're pretty hard to get into because they get filled up pretty quickly. Nice, right???

Things as far as classes go have been pretty calm. That is, in comparison to other weeks when I have 4 exams in a matter of 2 days. And that will be at the end of the month so I guess a good time to start studying is... now? In between my lesson plans for work, my bible study, and trying to have a social life. I think I need to start kicking my proverbial academic butt soon...

Things are looking up, and I must say, I'm highly enjoying myself. Even though I can't wait for spring break to get here so I can just kick back, relax, and (maybe) catch up on sleep... Maybe. Much love to you all and thank you for the continual prayers/positive juju throughout the last couple of weeks! :)

My one request.

Friends,

As you may know, I have currently been in the process to study abroad to Italy over the summer. I turn in the last forms this week, and after that, I will have two weeks to wait and hear if I am accepted to the program. Though I am not extremely worried, I am still nervous that I will not be accepted to this program. And yeah, I know that I've been telling people that I'm not worried about it. Just kidding.

This is a very big deal for me, and this is quite possibly the biggest thing I have/will do in my lifetime thus far. So I have one simple request for everyone:

Please pray for me. Send positive juju in my direction. Think happy  thoughts. Whatever you like to do, I will gladly accept it and will be so, SO thankful. If you know anything about me, you know that this is something I am very passionate about, and it has been something I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Thank you all in advance.

-Stephanie

Sophomore slump.

Can't it just be May?

Seriously. It's been a week into January and I'm already wanting to create a countdown to when it will be done.

Maybe I have seasonal depression. I feel like absolute crap. Dumb hormones. Dumb seasonal depression.

There I go, after taking 3 Abnormal Psych classes and I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with myself. My disorder manual hasn't even come in yet. This either means I am super pro at figuring out what's wrong with people or I'm wrong in my assumption.

Protip: it's probably the second one.

Who knows, maybe it was because I didn't think I had enough time with my friends when I went home. Maybe that's why I'm ready to get back... already.

Or maybe it's because of this stupid single. And this stupid floor that is so antisocial you can hear a pin drop on the carpet most of the time. Such is one of the reasons why I just can't WAIT to be in an apartment with 3 other people next year. I just can't stand sitting around by myself. I did it for 18 YEARS, for cryin out loud.

OR maybe it's just the fact that I have so much reading and work to do, between my 18 credits of classes and studying abroad AND scholarships that will get me to study abroad. And let me tell you, if you've never tried to get free money, you would know it's pretty darn hard.

In other words, for me to be happy, I need my friends, the sun, and preferrably, a scholarship to get me to Italia. NBD.

I'm being a Negative Nancy. I'll stop now.

"These mics are so sensitive, I can hear a gnat fart." -My night at the film set.

So there I was, walking back from Bloomfield with Liz, Heather, and Yaleh. It seemed much like a boring night - Heather was talking about how she wanted to do nothing else but go to bed. There was BOUND to be nothing exciting about that right?

WRONG.

Almost back to campus, we pass by a lot of bright lights and people standing around. Someone mentions that they were filming a scene for the new Tom Cruise movie. There was the first security guard person that we got talking to about the new Batman movie that got filmed over the summer. He said he had met Tom, and Christian Bale, and you-name-it. Then he showed us a picture of him sitting on the motorcycle they used in the new Batman movie.

NBD, right?

When security pushed us further up the street, we decided to cross to the other side of the road, where we met the security guard up there. Now, if I told you this guy had dreadlocks, a lip piercing, a blue and purple plaid flannel, a scarf, and some skater shoes, what would you say an appropriate name was for this fellow?

Ziggy? That's what I thought you said. You would be right, in that case.

After we got pushed up the street more, we walked down to the opposite corner in the hopes of being able to see more of the auto shop set they had built. We saw Tom Cruise a few times... 500 feet away.

He's kinda short.

Moving to our final destination, to a not-so-exciting security guard, and to a crowded corner of the street where people were constantly asking "Is that Tom?!" we find ourselves squished within a fairly large group of people trying to look through a tiny window and some bright lights to see Tom Cruise. And I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Tom Cruise, but I'm pretty sure this doesn't happen very often. But as you can imagine, there was some noise from the crowd of people standing around at 11:30 at night, and of course, this IS Oakland on a Friday night, so it's safe to assume there will be a fair amount of drunk people stalking the streets. When we first stopped at the set, we spotted a very (very) drunk college age kid being held up by two girls walking by, and we also spotted the big burly security guard laughing at them as they strolled by.

That, however, does not trump this man.

For all intents and purposes, let's call this man Joe. Now, Joe was an older man, I would say between the ages of 60 and 70, and he was probably very (very) drunk. He also sort of looked homeless, or had some sort of crap apartment in a shady part of the neighborhood. My guess as a Psychology major is that he probably also had some sort of mental problem, as most homeless or very low-income men and women do. So in a way, I felt bad. However, he still provided some comedic effect for the rest of us in the sense that he just wouldn't shut up. The poor guard told us he had been telling him to shut up all day, to which he would respond "You're right, Tom Cruise will get mad and tell me to leave" or some other sort of remark.

If you would like a mental image of this man, this is probably the best you'll get:

And even after one of the crew people (sound guys, directors of photography... I dunno what he was.) came over and told us that "These mics on the set, yeah, they're so sensitive, I can hear every word you're saying. I could hear a gnat fart with those mics if I wanted to. So be quiet when we're filming" we only stayed for a few more shots and left Tom Cruise to finish his scene in some sort of peace.

Not gonna lie though, if he took pictures with people after we left, I'm gonna be REALLY upset.

So that was my Friday night. Sorry, yours probably wasn't as awesome.

Life at the moment, described by pictures.

So my second round of sophomore year has begun. Taking 18 credits this semester is going to be rough, and looking at my schedule, most of my tests are one day after the other. There's even a couple of days when four of my five classes will have something due within two days. And, with my new job on top of that, I'm sure by the end of the semester I will look something like this:

Or this...

But more than likely, this...

 I haven't forgotten about my goal though. And I doubt I will - I bought an Italy calendar so I can have some motivation to work on the stuff. And I have. I knocked out two parts of the application today and tomorrow I'll knock out another. And when I get something from my parents in the mail? Another part. Needless to say, I'm almost done with it. So my face will look like this:

Not sure why I'm using pictures to describe situations all of a sudden. At this point I'm just going with it.

So I guess if there were any time to learn to be productive, it would be now. Let the semester of productivity begin!!

Change

So, here I am. I should be sleeping, because I have to get up early tomorrow to go back to Pittsburgh. And yet...

Recently I was told that I had changed in a bad way. The person was sort of raising themselves up and saying they had changed for the better and I the worse. Though I know I shouldn't take it to heart, because I finished trying to deal with this person a long time ago, it still got to me.

Don't we all change through time? We're sort of molded by time and the people and events that influence us. The good and the bad. 

Sometimes I like to think about if I would've been friends with my college friends back in high school if we had known each other back then. And then I remember - I'm a very different person. Unprofessional, dramatic, STUPID. I cared way so much about what people thought of me that I didn't take the time to talk to people outside of my comfort zone. I had such a pitiful view of myself that I lowered myself to a point that I can easily say I'm ashamed of now.

Okay, so maybe that's a little deep. But after being in college for a year and a half, I've seen many of the people I knew in high school drift farther apart, and it seems that I've found new friends to become close to in their places. It just proves that when one person walks out of your life, even without really knowing, someone steps in. 

This time last year, I was upset when I didn't hang out with x person, or y person, for some reason or another. And those people will always be around, just maybe not as prominent. Or not at all. But in the end, it will be okay.

One of those new friends made some status on Facebook tonight (he's graduating high school. I feel so freaking old) about growing up and taking another step in life. But isn't every day a step in your life? A day to be thankful for waking up in the morning? (Or afternoon... whatever floats your boat, I guess.) Shouldn't we take every day as an opportunity to grow up? 

So have I changed? Yes, of course. In a bad way? I don't think so. And it doesn't matter anyways, because I'm happy with where I am and there are people that accept me. And that's okay with me.

I realize this is really deep. I apologize if it wasn't exactly what you were looking for. It's 12:24 AM. I guess I get kinda deep after midnight.

Thank you to every one who's spent time reading this. I really appreciate the fact that people give a crap about what I have to say. :)