The Truth and Staying where you stand.

There was a situation that I was a part of last night that was a sort of unhealthy debate about the fine line between a violation of free speech and standing up for what you believe in. This situation has weighed pretty heavily on me within the last few hours since it has happened and I've come to wonder where exactly that line lies. Growing up in a largely-Protestant town and the things I experienced through my years in high school, I came to be very open minded about many a situation. It's a funny thing, really - at college, a decent amount of my friends are practicing Catholics while at home, it is quite the opposite.

Don't get me wrong, by opposite, I mean that my friends at home are mostly Protestant Christians. And I admit it - I don't really care what your religion is, if you even have one at all. It is an important thing to me in certain situations, but there are more things to friendship than that. I have always thought that I can be a catalyst in some form - if I am not meant to bring someone to God (if they aren't there already) then I can just love in the Christian way and hope that they see it and respect it for what it is. And who knows - maybe they will learn to do the same in the process.

Of course, you see the clear differences between beliefs in doing so, and diversity is a good thing. It's respectable to be worldly-wise in that sense. I have the utmost respect for people who can have a conversation with anyone they want to, open-minded and without judgment from either party. It shows that kind of compassion and love that we as Christians are taught to have.

In the course of my life, I have learned (and was taught by my parents, of course) to be respectful of everyone. And for me, I am usually respectful of people I meet unless I am given a reason not to be respectful. When you show no respect for me, I as a result will have no respect for you. 

Debates have also been hard for me over the years. At first I would just get upset and just avoid it at any rate. Usually because no one really challenged my beliefs or challenged my opinions before. But being in situations where discussion was inevitable (my high school Psychology class or my Seminar in Composition class, for example) I was able to go from saying "That's stupid." to "I don't really agree with what you're saying, and here is why." 

I suppose I should start getting to my point and stop trying to explain where I am coming from. It will all make sense at the end, I promise.

Basically, throughout my life I have come to respect people while politely being able to disagree with something I don't stand for. I'm not a pushover - I just don't take part in anything that I don't believe in. In situations where there is an event that is promoting something that I do not stand for, then I simply do not take part. It's something we all naturally do - an Atheist is not going to go to seminary. Someone who is pro-life is not going to apply for a job at an abortion clinic. Right? It's simple logic. And that, in a sense, is where I show where I stand. I don't believe in expressing my opinion in such a way that it comes off as pushy and closed minded, especially in a situation where it is not welcomed. Besides, it just isn't who I am.

So then how do I express "The Truth," as we are meant to do? It is like I said above - we are judged by how we act towards others and towards ourselves. When we have that kind of self awareness that we know where we stand in situations then we can show others through the way we act. And, also like I said, through love and compassion for everyone that I care for. Show the truth by being an example. When we model a certain behavior, people will reciprocate it. When we are caring and understanding for others, they will give us care and understanding in return. When we are harsh, they will reciprocate. 

Something that has been on my mind lately is a topic we discussed in my Social Psychology class. It is called "Confirmation bias." Basically, when we believe in something, we will find more information to show that it is true without ever really looking at the other side. I know to take most things like this with a grain of salt, because we will not always do things like this to a huge degree, but it's made me question whether or not we can really change someone's mind about something. Since we naturally look for information that shows us truth in what we believe, who's to say that someone of an opposing view hasn't done the same? But that discussion is probably for a different post, since I think this one has gone on long enough.

Been a while, hasn't it?

I'M BAAAAACK.

And as I'm sure you, the lovely reader, knows, I GOT ACCEPTED. And I'm hoping and praying that I will get the scholarship I'm going into a meeting for in a couple of weeks.

I can't believe this is happening. It just seems so unreal. In 4 and a half months I will be basically fulfilling my dream of travelling to bell'Italia itself.

But then I wonder what my new dream will be. I mean, being the crazy Tangled fanatic I am, it's like they said in the movie: "You find a new dream." But I guess I'll figure that out when the time comes.

I apologize for not giving you the brain spillage that is my blog lately. The semester has finally kicked in full swing and it's just one thing after another after another (and another...) But here is what you missed, just in case:

The "Awkward Middle School Dance" Dance was on Saturday, and it was beyond amazing. I think one of my favorite things to do is just get out on a dance floor and go crazy. Heck, I don't even have to be intoxicated. It's that great. Plus the opportunities of dancing to 90's classics come say, once or twice every few years? And by few, I mean a lot. So it was completely necessary to go insane right? Plus, the Backstreet Boys AND the Spice Girls were all there. It was super cray.

Groundhog Day was a few days before that. It was strange being home and knowing that my college friends were there too. (Or, in Emily's case, in my childhood bed back home, as she was most of the time...)

I started working for America Reads in full swing about a week ago. I have 2 kids that I tutor and one doesn't like to sit still. It will be an interesting semester, to say the least...

I signed an apartment lease with 3 other girls yesterday for the Camelot, which is basically this really nice apartment building in the nice part of Oakland (if there even is one) and they're pretty hard to get into because they get filled up pretty quickly. Nice, right???

Things as far as classes go have been pretty calm. That is, in comparison to other weeks when I have 4 exams in a matter of 2 days. And that will be at the end of the month so I guess a good time to start studying is... now? In between my lesson plans for work, my bible study, and trying to have a social life. I think I need to start kicking my proverbial academic butt soon...

Things are looking up, and I must say, I'm highly enjoying myself. Even though I can't wait for spring break to get here so I can just kick back, relax, and (maybe) catch up on sleep... Maybe. Much love to you all and thank you for the continual prayers/positive juju throughout the last couple of weeks! :)

My one request.

Friends,

As you may know, I have currently been in the process to study abroad to Italy over the summer. I turn in the last forms this week, and after that, I will have two weeks to wait and hear if I am accepted to the program. Though I am not extremely worried, I am still nervous that I will not be accepted to this program. And yeah, I know that I've been telling people that I'm not worried about it. Just kidding.

This is a very big deal for me, and this is quite possibly the biggest thing I have/will do in my lifetime thus far. So I have one simple request for everyone:

Please pray for me. Send positive juju in my direction. Think happy  thoughts. Whatever you like to do, I will gladly accept it and will be so, SO thankful. If you know anything about me, you know that this is something I am very passionate about, and it has been something I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Thank you all in advance.

-Stephanie

Sophomore slump.

Can't it just be May?

Seriously. It's been a week into January and I'm already wanting to create a countdown to when it will be done.

Maybe I have seasonal depression. I feel like absolute crap. Dumb hormones. Dumb seasonal depression.

There I go, after taking 3 Abnormal Psych classes and I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with myself. My disorder manual hasn't even come in yet. This either means I am super pro at figuring out what's wrong with people or I'm wrong in my assumption.

Protip: it's probably the second one.

Who knows, maybe it was because I didn't think I had enough time with my friends when I went home. Maybe that's why I'm ready to get back... already.

Or maybe it's because of this stupid single. And this stupid floor that is so antisocial you can hear a pin drop on the carpet most of the time. Such is one of the reasons why I just can't WAIT to be in an apartment with 3 other people next year. I just can't stand sitting around by myself. I did it for 18 YEARS, for cryin out loud.

OR maybe it's just the fact that I have so much reading and work to do, between my 18 credits of classes and studying abroad AND scholarships that will get me to study abroad. And let me tell you, if you've never tried to get free money, you would know it's pretty darn hard.

In other words, for me to be happy, I need my friends, the sun, and preferrably, a scholarship to get me to Italia. NBD.

I'm being a Negative Nancy. I'll stop now.

"These mics are so sensitive, I can hear a gnat fart." -My night at the film set.

So there I was, walking back from Bloomfield with Liz, Heather, and Yaleh. It seemed much like a boring night - Heather was talking about how she wanted to do nothing else but go to bed. There was BOUND to be nothing exciting about that right?

WRONG.

Almost back to campus, we pass by a lot of bright lights and people standing around. Someone mentions that they were filming a scene for the new Tom Cruise movie. There was the first security guard person that we got talking to about the new Batman movie that got filmed over the summer. He said he had met Tom, and Christian Bale, and you-name-it. Then he showed us a picture of him sitting on the motorcycle they used in the new Batman movie.

NBD, right?

When security pushed us further up the street, we decided to cross to the other side of the road, where we met the security guard up there. Now, if I told you this guy had dreadlocks, a lip piercing, a blue and purple plaid flannel, a scarf, and some skater shoes, what would you say an appropriate name was for this fellow?

Ziggy? That's what I thought you said. You would be right, in that case.

After we got pushed up the street more, we walked down to the opposite corner in the hopes of being able to see more of the auto shop set they had built. We saw Tom Cruise a few times... 500 feet away.

He's kinda short.

Moving to our final destination, to a not-so-exciting security guard, and to a crowded corner of the street where people were constantly asking "Is that Tom?!" we find ourselves squished within a fairly large group of people trying to look through a tiny window and some bright lights to see Tom Cruise. And I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Tom Cruise, but I'm pretty sure this doesn't happen very often. But as you can imagine, there was some noise from the crowd of people standing around at 11:30 at night, and of course, this IS Oakland on a Friday night, so it's safe to assume there will be a fair amount of drunk people stalking the streets. When we first stopped at the set, we spotted a very (very) drunk college age kid being held up by two girls walking by, and we also spotted the big burly security guard laughing at them as they strolled by.

That, however, does not trump this man.

For all intents and purposes, let's call this man Joe. Now, Joe was an older man, I would say between the ages of 60 and 70, and he was probably very (very) drunk. He also sort of looked homeless, or had some sort of crap apartment in a shady part of the neighborhood. My guess as a Psychology major is that he probably also had some sort of mental problem, as most homeless or very low-income men and women do. So in a way, I felt bad. However, he still provided some comedic effect for the rest of us in the sense that he just wouldn't shut up. The poor guard told us he had been telling him to shut up all day, to which he would respond "You're right, Tom Cruise will get mad and tell me to leave" or some other sort of remark.

If you would like a mental image of this man, this is probably the best you'll get:

And even after one of the crew people (sound guys, directors of photography... I dunno what he was.) came over and told us that "These mics on the set, yeah, they're so sensitive, I can hear every word you're saying. I could hear a gnat fart with those mics if I wanted to. So be quiet when we're filming" we only stayed for a few more shots and left Tom Cruise to finish his scene in some sort of peace.

Not gonna lie though, if he took pictures with people after we left, I'm gonna be REALLY upset.

So that was my Friday night. Sorry, yours probably wasn't as awesome.

Life at the moment, described by pictures.

So my second round of sophomore year has begun. Taking 18 credits this semester is going to be rough, and looking at my schedule, most of my tests are one day after the other. There's even a couple of days when four of my five classes will have something due within two days. And, with my new job on top of that, I'm sure by the end of the semester I will look something like this:

Or this...

But more than likely, this...

 I haven't forgotten about my goal though. And I doubt I will - I bought an Italy calendar so I can have some motivation to work on the stuff. And I have. I knocked out two parts of the application today and tomorrow I'll knock out another. And when I get something from my parents in the mail? Another part. Needless to say, I'm almost done with it. So my face will look like this:

Not sure why I'm using pictures to describe situations all of a sudden. At this point I'm just going with it.

So I guess if there were any time to learn to be productive, it would be now. Let the semester of productivity begin!!

Change

So, here I am. I should be sleeping, because I have to get up early tomorrow to go back to Pittsburgh. And yet...

Recently I was told that I had changed in a bad way. The person was sort of raising themselves up and saying they had changed for the better and I the worse. Though I know I shouldn't take it to heart, because I finished trying to deal with this person a long time ago, it still got to me.

Don't we all change through time? We're sort of molded by time and the people and events that influence us. The good and the bad. 

Sometimes I like to think about if I would've been friends with my college friends back in high school if we had known each other back then. And then I remember - I'm a very different person. Unprofessional, dramatic, STUPID. I cared way so much about what people thought of me that I didn't take the time to talk to people outside of my comfort zone. I had such a pitiful view of myself that I lowered myself to a point that I can easily say I'm ashamed of now.

Okay, so maybe that's a little deep. But after being in college for a year and a half, I've seen many of the people I knew in high school drift farther apart, and it seems that I've found new friends to become close to in their places. It just proves that when one person walks out of your life, even without really knowing, someone steps in. 

This time last year, I was upset when I didn't hang out with x person, or y person, for some reason or another. And those people will always be around, just maybe not as prominent. Or not at all. But in the end, it will be okay.

One of those new friends made some status on Facebook tonight (he's graduating high school. I feel so freaking old) about growing up and taking another step in life. But isn't every day a step in your life? A day to be thankful for waking up in the morning? (Or afternoon... whatever floats your boat, I guess.) Shouldn't we take every day as an opportunity to grow up? 

So have I changed? Yes, of course. In a bad way? I don't think so. And it doesn't matter anyways, because I'm happy with where I am and there are people that accept me. And that's okay with me.

I realize this is really deep. I apologize if it wasn't exactly what you were looking for. It's 12:24 AM. I guess I get kinda deep after midnight.

Thank you to every one who's spent time reading this. I really appreciate the fact that people give a crap about what I have to say. :)